


Squidward Gets What He Wants

by CantaloupeCove



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants - Fandom
Genre: I am so sorry Jesus, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CantaloupeCove/pseuds/CantaloupeCove
Summary: Squidward finally gets a good day to himself, without Spongebob and Patrick interfering.





	Squidward Gets What He Wants

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Peppybee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppybee/gifts).



Squidward Gets What He Fucking Wants:  
Once a upon a time, Squidward woke up and was actually in a good mood for once.   
“Wow,” he exclaimed, “I sure hope that jugfuck pissant Spongebob doesn’t screw up my day!”  
Little did he know Spongebob and Patrick were dead. Squidward hopped out of bed and put on his shirt. Everything was going really well so far.   
“Wowee holy Christ!,” he shouted, “No interruptions from Spongeboob and Patdick!” He still didn’t know that they both had died in a volcano. Squidward frolicked out the door and down the street to the Krusty Vagina, I mean Krab, which was where he worked. As he skipped merrily, he pulled his clarinet out of his asshole and began playing a beautiful song that sounded like a pterodactyl having an aneurysm as a swarm of bees flew up its rectum. Everyone in Bikini Bottom thought it was so beautiful that they began cheering and throwing roses at him. One of the roses got lodged in his eye, causing blood to spew into the cheering mouths of all the cheering fishes but no one noticed because Squidward was so fucking happy. Finally Squidward arrived at the Krusty Karbs. Mr Krabs ran up to Squidward and threw a giant wad of cash at him.   
“AHoY MR squIDWARD!!!!,” he screeched, waving his claws in the air. “This here Krusty Krabs is closing down because I was caught for tax fraud AGAGAGAGAGA!!!”   
Squidward gasped in shock but not really because the Krusty Krab was known for putting cocaine in the patties.   
“Where will I work!?,” Squidward exclaimed. Mr Krabs pointed at a giant concert hall that had randomly appeared next to the Krusty STD.   
“Over there Mr Squidward!!,” Mr Krabs yelled as two police officers tackled him to the ground. Squidward flounced over to the concert hall where Squilliam was being punched in the face by a really buff ass fish.   
“You don’t have enough talent to even be near this establishment!,” the buff fish screamed.  
“Haha Squilliam you rat bastard son of a bitch!,” Squidward jeered at his lifelong rival, how was running away crying like a little bitch. Squidward skipped inside and ran up on a giant stage as everyone cheered even though he didn’t do anything yet. He pulled his clarinet out of his rectum and began playing What is Love by Haddaway. It sounded like a avian creature having its dick bitten off. Everyone cheered because it was the most fucking beautiful thing that’s ever touched their unsophisticated ears. Suddenly it began raining diamonds all over Squidward. He ripped his shirt off and began rubbing them all over his naked body. Everyone cheered loud enough to cause a rift in the time space continuum.

Paul walked outside of his house and picked up the newspaper.   
“Morning Joe,” he greeted his neighbor who was doing the same thing.  
“Morning Paul,” he replied. They both shook hands before getting into their cars and driving off to work. The sun began glowing an ominous red before imploding, swallowing up the entire universe. 

Squidward woke up with a start. The dream he was having was amazing. Then he remembered he was still trapped in his meaningless life, being constantly tortured by his two awful neighbours, Spongebob and Patrick. Begrudgingly, he crawled out of bed and moped over to the window, to see his two terrible neighbours lighting off fireworks in his front yard. A stray firework flew towards his house. In a matter of seconds, his home was reduced to ash, leaving him sitting in the ruins. He then pulled out a gun and shot Spongebob and Patrick dead. The rest of his life was spent evading the police.


End file.
